


Insomniac

by inlovewithlarry99



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2015-08-25
Packaged: 2018-04-17 03:57:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4651347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inlovewithlarry99/pseuds/inlovewithlarry99
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A twenty-two year old author stuck in a city he despises, stuck at a school he despises, stuck in a world he despises, Louis Tomlinson has nearly no hope left for himself. At such a young age, he has given up any desire to do anything. He writes, but to him that is second nature. The stem of this lack of interest? His insomnia. He has friends yet he doesn't recognize that they're there.<br/>He meets a boy with eyes the color of his favorite sweater, a boy with hair the same color as chestnuts. A boy with a heart as solid and pure as gold, with intentions as good as they get. Louis doesn't understand anything he feels but he does understand that for once, he has found an interest. That is, the boy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Insomniac

\\\\\

He tends to find himself alone at this hour.

It used to be that Louis could find comfort in something or someone, could scavenge for _something_ to keep his mind off of the fact that he could not sleep. He could look at Eleanor as she slept, look at the way her stomach moved rhythmically up and down, the way her lips parted slightly as she breathed in and out.

That was no more. Eleanor was no more.

He had always felt bad about Eleanor, about using her as a shoulder to lean on. She loved him, he knows that, but he could not and will not ever be able to find himself in love with her.

He used to be able to watch some television but at this point, the shows had gotten old and repetitive, just background noise to his never-ending train of thought that always decided to pull up right in the middle of the night.

His body now aches for sleep, his eyes and his heart crumpling up into an exhausted, unresponsive mess. But his mind, it doesn't want to shut up. He wants it to, he can feel the bones in his body creaking when he moves, tired and overused. He wishes at times like this that he didn't have any brain, any brain that has a voice that refuses to stop talking. He can't rip it out, although his hands yearn to reach into his head and just throw his brain into a trashcan.

Instead of that, he writes. His hands need to be preoccupied while his mind runs and rambles. That's the only thing that keeps him sane anymore, writing. Without Eleanor in the room, without his roommates' constant comfort, the only thing he can lean on is a pen and paper.

He lives with two others, Niall and Liam. When they first began attending the school, they treated Louis like a king, since he was older and therefore more experienced in everything. But it got old eventually to them, having to stay up until four in the morning just so Louis wouldn't be alone. Louis understands, but he wishes it could be different.

He's selfish, he decides. He writes that down, writes it down again and again and again. God, he is _selfish_. He has no morals, no idea of other people's wellbeing. He turns to look at his bedside clock. It says that it's four in the morning. Usually he has the same night routine and things are going as planned so far.

He stays up with his friends until midnight or so (which he'd already done), then he goes into his room and lies down. Even though he doesn't sleep, he finds some sort of comfort in just lying down. 

Sometimes he falls asleep, but that's only for a short period of time. Less than a half an hour later, he'll be wide awake again. That's when he writes, when he just scribbles every incoherent, messy thought onto a piece of notebook paper. He does that until six in the morning, until it's reasonable for him to claim he is just a morning person.

He has insomnia. He knows that but he doesn't admit it. He doesn't tell anyone that, he just tells people that he has a lot of trouble sleeping because he's anxious about things. Which in a way is true. 

He has insomnia for a lot of reasons. He's inherently a boring person, he thinks. But he's a boring person who is stressed and anxious and depressed and these things all lead to him being unable to sleep.

He used to cry about it a lot, used to be exhausted by the time he got to his classes. Now, he doesn't care. His mind has no perception of what a nights sleep is. Instead, he writes and scribble about how self-centeric his world is and how everything in his mind revolves around himself. He writes about how he is a horrible person, because he believes that, especially at four in the morning.

Before he is even aware of it, the sun is beginning to creep up, shining through the gap in Louis' blinds. He squints his eyes, rubs them with the back of his hands and decides to change.

Louis always signs up for early morning classes so he doesn't have any more time to waste. His first course is at eight thirty and he can go out to breakfast with Liam who also tends to wake up early. He has plenty of time to get ready as well, which is nice. He needs the time, because he doesn't like the way he looks. It takes him forever to get to a place where he feels at all confident about his appearance.

He starts rummaging through his drawers, blindly grabbing a pair of trousers that will be suitable and yanking off his sweatpants. 

He shoves his legs into the jeans, feeling as if maybe they're a little too small or that maybe he's a little too heavy. He brushes the thought away, stumbling to the closet and taking out a shirt.

He's now dressed and when he turns to the clock, it's almost six. Meaning that he can leave his room and wait for the others to wake up.

For a bit, he just sits, listening to the radio and playing around on his phone. He has nice classes today, he calls them. He doesn't have anything too difficult or mind-boggling, mostly because it's his last year and it's nearing the end of February. He has March, April and May until he graduates and is tossed out into the real, real world. The professors love him, favor him over most student since he does all his work and does quite well.

He hardly goes out to parties, he doesn't have the energy to do so. And not sleeping gives him plenty of extra time to cram and finish schoolwork. 

In the morning, he has Creative Writing, by far his best class due to the fact that it's one of his majors, along with English and other things likes that. Anything relating to writing and reading, Louis is signed up in some way.

He has almost eliminated math or science from his life, hardly ever taking classes having much to do with that. He understands that in a way, he's screwed himself over for the future and that finding a career as an author will be unlikely. He doesn't really care anymore. Nothing really matters much to him anymore.

"Up bright and early, aren't you?" a voice floats from the other side of the living room. Louis' flicker over and he smiles.

"Good morning," he replies to a sleepy Liam, who is rubbing his eyes and brushing his hair back. "Fancy getting some breakfast once you're ready?"

Liam shrugs then nods. "Niall doesn't have class until after lunch so he won't be up for another three hours. Where do you feel like going?"

"We can just get coffee or something," Louis responds, his voice small as he looks up at Liam from his comfortable spot on the couch. "Starbucks? Not to be cliched or anything, but I need some caffeine."

"Sure, let's just waste all of our precious money on the world's most unnecessarily expensive coffee," Liam groans and Louis laughs. "But fine. Just this one time."

"You said that last week, or did I hear you wrong?" Louis challenges and Liam just rolls his eyes, practically sleepwalking out of the kitchen and going to get ready.

Louis finishes his morning regimen and waits for Liam by the front door, his bag on one shoulder. He smiles at Liam who looks sleepy still and they walk out.

Louis has pep in his step because the exhaustion never hits him until right after lunch. That's when it's hard to focus, when it gets hard for him to even think straight and put words together in a coherent sentence.

The campus isn't massive at all, hardly the type of school people dream of. There are never many crazy parties, never scandals or anything like that. It's chill and Louis and might possibly be the most chill person of them all, from the outside at least.

He blends in nicely, although people used to look at him oddly. He's small and dresses in skinny jeans and tee-shirts which is considered girly to a lot of people. He had never been put down for it but when he got to University, people stared and he hated it. 

Now, they walk to the Starbucks which is on the outside of the campus and people don't look twice.

Louis usually wouldn't even notice that no one was staring, not on a normal day. But today is not normal.

He looks over, looks at who people are looking at, looks at the center of everyones attention.

It's the closest thing to those horrible teen movies he's ever seen in real life. Liam, a person who is open and not very sensitive to anything even looks twice when they see what the big deal is.

Everyone is looking. It's like everything is in slow motion, like the object of affection is suddenly being shone down upon by a spotlight.

It's a boy. But he's different.

The stares aren't particularly bad but they aren't all good either. This boy is not someone you see every day.

He is gorgeous. This thought runs through Louis' mind above all but he shakes it out. Next to him is an equally perfect human, but that's not the only reason people are staring.

The boy has long, curly hair, falling down at his shoulder and bouncing dramatically as he walks. He wears some sort of insane jacket, something covered with flowers and sh*t like that. Louis' mouth drops. It actually drops.

The two boys walking their way are models, they must be. The other, slightly less outstanding one, has tanned, smooth skin, a chiseled jawline and slicked back hair.

No one had seen the boys before, Louis is sure of this. 

Louis has never looked at a boy and felt so flabbergasted before but he does and he feels an urge to speak to this boy.

Luckily or unluckily for him, the two boys walk into the Starbucks. The crowd does what people do, they pause and continues with their lives, attention spans similar to those of goldfish. But Louis is determined to interact with him in some way. 

Liam opens his mouth to inevitably say something about them but Louis beelines ahead, pushing open the door and stepping into the building.

It's crowded, but it's only six forty-five so it's not packed. Louis and Liam step in line behind the mystery boys and Louis immediately notices that major height difference between the curly haired boy and himself. He tries to stand taller, stand so that he feels at all worthy to be breathing the same air as him but he deflates when he realizes it's impossible.

He blindly orders his drink, not even sure if he remembered to ask for it without sugar or anything. He likes his coffee black but he would rather give up black coffee than give up an opportunity to speak to this captivating creature.

Liam is the social one and thank God for him. When Liam sees Louis eyeing the pair who are conversing by the waiting area, he clears his throat and puts on a straight face, nodding at Louis.

He steps up and Louis can see that he is even a little nervous. At first, they don't notice him but he coughs again and they look up.

The darker one raises his eyebrows, a trace of a smile playing on his lips. "Hi, can I help you?"

Liam freezes and then puts on another cool face. "Yeah, actually. I was wondering...do you go here?"

The two boys exchange a quick glance and the same one talks again. "We do. We both transferred here at the beginning of the year."

Louis wonders how the hell he had never seen them when he was walking around campus until the curly one speaks. "But we were taking most of our classes in different places than everyone else, because we weren't completely caught up on what we were supposed to learn. Online class, stuff like that."

Liam nods. "That explains why I haven't seen you around."

"We're hard to miss, right?" Curly jokes and _he smiles and he has a dimple, bloody hell_  and then he turns to Louis, looks him directly in the eyes and raises his eyebrows. "You're Louis Tomlinson, aren't you?"

How the fu*k does this majestical human being have any clue who Louis is? He swallows hard and nods slowly. "That's me."

The boy smiles and steps away a little, seeing as Liam and the chiseled boy have started talking more about class. "Wow. I've heard about you."

"I'm not a celebrity," Louis mumbles. "And it's not a very big campus."

"You know Eleanor Calder?" 

Louis pauses and then nods again. "Quite well."

"She's my friend," he continues. "and she raves about you."

"She does?" Louis asks, shocked.

"Why do you seem surprised?"

Louis hesitates before answering. "We kind of dated for a bit and then we broke up."

"When did you break up?"

"Right before Winter Break," Louis mutters. "I'm surprised she still likes me at all."

"She definitely likes you," the boy confirms. "She describes you as some sort of perfect person."

"Are you disappointed then?" Louis teases, although he isn't exactly kidding.

The boy actually takes his time to look at Louis, making him feel like he's under a microscope. He then looks Louis in the eyes yet again and Louis feels frozen. "Not at all, actually."

The boy Liam's talking to turns around and tells Louis' new friend that they have to leave. Louis says goodbye and the boy starts to wave before stopping. "I'm Harry, by the way."

"Harry," Louis says absentmindedly and then watches as Harry smiles and walks away, following his friend.

Liam asks Louis if he's okay and then talks a bit about Harry's friend who's name is Zayn but Louis doesn't pay attention.

The name Harry is stuck in his head all morning.


End file.
